Saturday, October 10, 2009

My Mom

One year ago next week I was in Ohio for my Grandpa's funeral. We were not that close but I came for my dad. While I was here that week my mom was having severe headaches and would wake me up in the night to ask me to get her Advil. A week and a half later the headaches had gotten so bad that my Grandma took her to the ER where they told her that she had high-blood pressure and that was the cause of the headaches.

After 24 hours of taking blood pressure medication she was still having headaches. They made another trip to the ER where she had an MRI and they found that she had a grape-fruit size tumor in her brian. After emergency surgery to have it removed we found out that it was indeed cancer and she started chemo and radiation immediately. After radiation was over she continued with chemo but her body just could not take it. She had a follow up MRI in February that showed the tumor was back.

We then decided in February that Hospice was the best option for Mom. During the spring she was able to accomplish some things that were very important to her which included going to NYC to see my brothers perform in a national show choir competition and coming to Florida to see me after Joshua was born. When she returned home from Florida in May she started getting very weak and was placed in a hospital bed at my grandparents house to be taken care of full time. Since then she has continually lost function in her arms and legs, decreased vision and as of recently has stopped talking except on very rare occasion.

This week since I have been here she has stopped eating and drinking and is not taking any medication. This morning around 6 am my grandparents woke up and found her having a seizure which is caused by extreme swelling in her brain caused by the tumor.

When I was in Ohio in August I had a chance to talk to her and tell her how much I loved her. I told her what an amazing mother she has been and what a Godly example she had set for me and my brothers and sister. I told her that I will miss her terribly but that if she is ready to be with Jesus then that is what I want for her. That was the hardest conversation I have ever had in my life. Yesterday afternoon my brothers came over and I had to tell them what was going on. That was the second hardest conversation I have ever had, telling my little brothers that our mom only has a little while left to live and watching them cry.

Last night around 1am I was wide awake and I just felt like I needed to cry out to the Lord. I thought of the verse in Isaiah -

Isaiah 40:28-31 "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; those who hope in the LORD 
will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I realized just how weary I felt. This past year has been full of emotions, good and bad. It has been a year of great blessing with the gift of our second baby boy, but has also been so full of heart-ache thinking about life without my mom. She has been my best friend, the first person I go to for advice, the person I call when something exciting or funny happens. She has been my role-model and my teacher, she showed me how to be a wife and a mother. She taught me how to cook, how to sew, she encouraged me and she showed me how to love the Lord, how to trust Him and how to cling to Him.

But I know that my Mom is going to see Jesus soon. She will spend her days worshipping Him and singing His praises. She will be made whole again and she will have no more pain or heart-ache. She will never be lonely or tired. And someday, I will see her again.



  1. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's situation. Your family and your momma are in my prayers. Such a wonderful verse of encouragement that the Lord provided you.

  2. lindsay, know that you and your family is being covered in prayers. i know this has to be terribly difficult and the only peace you will find has to come from our Great and Mighty God. how wonderful that your mom has lived her life with purpose. i only met her during the week of your wedding and thought she was a fabulous lady who was full of life and joy. you are very blessed to have such a wonderful, God fearing mom to look up to and learn from. love and prayers from the davis'

  3. I can not imagine how difficult this time is for you and your family. Please know that your family and your Mom's names and situations are being lifted to the Lord in prayers. The verse that you have also posted in your blog is such a wonderful verse of inspiration and encouragement thank your for sharing what God puts in your heart. Sending so many prayers your way.